Christmas has come early, loves! This blog site has been my home for so long. Since I started TSW, Topical Steroid Withdrawal, in 2015, I’ve leant hard on this platform. From sharing my skin to my thoughts, it has been a blessing of a community. But now, we move on to bigger and better things!… Continue reading New Documentary + New Website
It’s my birthday month this October and I have never felt further away from knowing where to go in life than I do at this moment. I’m sure that sounds strange to hear from me, but it’s the truth. I quit my job in June and I got rid of my apartment in June. I… Continue reading Feels Like Falling
It is day 50 of being away. But I don’t feel “away”. This trip has been exceptionally more than I fathomed, and a part of me never wants to leave. Perhaps a part of me never will. I saved up this past year in order to see this expedition be brought to life. Usually an… Continue reading Coddiwompling
Hey loves, So, for awhile, I have been writing for an internet magazine, AD.net (atopic dermatitis.net). They are shorter, less thought-provoking articles, but none the less, writings from me on all things skin related. I will attach links here to some articles that may interest you. I also will be starting a new video series,… Continue reading Updates
Once again, it’s been an age since I’ve written. I’ve had so much to say, yet no energy to say it. Words are just floating around, clogging up my emotional airways and if I don’t spill out, I will suffocate. I watched “Spiderman, No Way Home” last night. If you are a follower, you are… Continue reading TSW: No Way Home
Sometimes I think I’m meant for pain, and she for me. She is my cruelest companion, and yet my most passionate form of expression. I can always depend on her for a good cry, an inspired project, even the longing for what matters most. I am nothing without her. This past year has been inexplicably… Continue reading The Loud Silence
Hey loves, I haven’t been posting much about my current state at the moment because I have been trying to keep a positive outlook, especially since I am healing still from two different surgeries. This time last year, I was feeling pretty good. My arms and hands were always still a fluctuating area of concern,… Continue reading 6 Years TSW / 76 Months
Hey loves, it’s been a minute. I should have written five days ago, but I was exhausted. *anything in bold is specific information for those looking at guidance. On May 6th, I received some not great news from my PAO surgeon in West Palm, FL. I had been up since 4:45am and when the personal… Continue reading 10 Week Arthroscopy / 8 Week PAO
Hey lovelies, I skipped last week since I was feeling so poorly and didn’t have much else to relay to you all. It has been seven weeks since my labrum repair surgery and five weeks since my PAO surgery for my hip dysplasia. As far as recovery, my muscle has been atrophying since I haven’t… Continue reading Week 7 Arthroscopy and Week 5 PAO
Hello, hello. It’s now been 5 weeks since my first arthroscopy surgery and 3 weeks since my PAO surgery. It’s gotten significantly harder due to my skin condition, topical steroid withdrawal, but that is a whole other beast. If we are just focusing on the bum leg, here is an update: Moving around, leg pain… Continue reading Week 5 PAO Surgery (3 Week Recovery)
Welcome back, loves. This week has felt like a loop — same thing almost everyday. Instead of giving a day by day break down, I am just going to categorize what’s been going on. It’s easier and less stress on my cabin fever. Bed time It’s definitely still hard to sleep. Laying on my back,… Continue reading Week 4 PAO Surgery (2 week Recovery)
The age old question of, “how are you?”, has been popping up steadily on my phone. After having surgery, one is prepared to answer this question over and over. Usually, the age old answer is “fine”. No gory details. It allows us to skirt on to other things. But, you know what… I’m not okay.… Continue reading And That’s Okay
Welcome back! ** All underlined places are for those looking just for needed facts about this surgery. Day 7: My first day back at work. Again, it takes a village. I had to wake up at 5:35am, 20 minutes earlier than I usually do for work (I am a middle/high school teacher — Dance, Theatre,… Continue reading Arthroscopy Week 2
Palimpsests noun a manuscript or piece of writing material on which the original writing has been effaced to make room for later writing but of which traces remain. I recieve a weekly journal prompt that I have not been able to do since February. I have been increasingly overwhelmed with all the different spokes of… Continue reading Not so Clean Slate
Disclaimer ** Some pictures may be too graphic for some ** I can’t lie and say I wasn’t nervous before going into surgery. My skin was a mess and I was afraid something was going to go wrong concerning my health. However, I was pleasantly surprised with how well everything went, especially how kind everyone… Continue reading Arthroscopy Week 1
Hey, family. It’s been awhile since I’ve written. Life has been a bit brutal and my plate has been overflowing with responsibilities. Most of this blog has been dedicated to my skin journey — Topical Steroid Withdrawal. I am now six years into my healing and, sadly, am not fully healed. Especially right now with… Continue reading Arthroscopy and PAO Surgery
It feels like forever since I’ve written, at least words that really mean something to me. I keep putting it off without having an actual good excuse to keep me from this space. I turned 32 last week. I never imagined being this old when I was younger. I don’t think many of us do.… Continue reading My Wish
Let’s cut to it — I’ve been struggling for a bit now. It’s been about 3.5 weeks of dealing with this harsh, and seemingly unwarranted, flare. First it was my face and neck, the usual places that give me trouble, and then my hands and arms got worse, the redness and dryness surging on pieces… Continue reading Requiem for a Quarantine
“This is the most impossible condition to explain to people because you see what’s going on on the surface, but you don’t see what’s going on underneath the surface.” – Janelle Norman, Preventable I am in awe that one year has passed since the launching of my documentary — of our documentary. So many voices… Continue reading Preventable Anniversary
After allowing my students to listen to their finale song for our end of the year dance show, I asked them this very simple question: “What do you think it means to be human?” I got so many beautiful responses, I wanted to share a few. “For life to break you apart and for you… Continue reading Humanity
Today marks my 5 year anniversary of starting Topical Steroid Withdrawal. To think I’ve carried this around for half a decade is mind boggling, but as a friend once told me, “perhaps you were born for such a time as this (Esther 4:14).” I’ve always wanted to believe that. And if I am meant to… Continue reading Inevitably
My fingers have been itching to sit at this laptop and configure words that may possibly, eventually, make something of all the clatter and noise inside my head. I’ve been thinking about the Topical Steroid Withdrawal community a lot. For two, really two and a half years, I had toiled over a documentary that I… Continue reading 20/20 in 2020
I was looking for an outlet tonight and I started to scroll through a slew of memes and quotes (naturally), and funnily enough, one told me to grab a cup of hot chocolate. I quickly remembered that I had a random pack of cocoa mix sitting in my bag from work. I snatched it up,… Continue reading Just as I Am
This month is Eczema Awareness Month. Years ago I never would have believed such a thing existed. Who needs awareness about eczema? Having lived with TSW, Topical Steroid Withdrawal, for over 4.5 years now, my view has drastically changed. Millions of people are stricken with eczema and there is such a large stigma around it.… Continue reading The One Worth Knowing
“And when that doesn’t happen, you heal yourself. You find strength in things other than people. You find energy in your solitude, you find hope in your daydreams. You build yourself up, tell yourself that you don’t need anyone to save you, that you don’t need anyone to steady your foundation. But you do.” As… Continue reading The Juggle Struggle
On this final day in England, Indian food in my belly while staring out into the garden, I am situated in a recliner with a bandage on my neck, plasters around my fingers, cotton gloves on my hands, and am properly greased up like a fresh Tin Man. I’ve even got the heather grey sweater… Continue reading White Flag
They say we either write when we are falling in love, or falling apart. I can not say, without dramatic use, that I am either, but it often times feels like the latter. I retreated to a watery refuge yesterday. For some reason, when I’m in the water, it’s as if it quiets all the… Continue reading Be The Wilderness
This is an important letter written by ITSAN. They need your help. We would be nowhere without this nonprofit. The Future of ITSAN is at Risk for 2019! Dear TSW family, We at ITSAN have been working really hard this past year to break through the resistance to TSW in the medical community – to… Continue reading Help ITSAN
The weeks have been blurred and have been running by so quickly because of work. I am putting both week 4 + 5 together. My hip does not hurt as much anymore, but I am still careful of how much I am doing to it. I am slowly starting to rehab it into being back… Continue reading Week 4 + 5 (Stem Cell)
This is super late, my apologies, but life has been hectic. I am 3.5 weeks out of having the stem cell infusions at the IMAC center in St. Louis. I have still not seen any progress in my skin. It’s discouraging, but that’s how it goes. Perhaps that means I could have an internal issue… Continue reading Week 3 (Stem Cells)
It has been 2 weeks now since my stem cell infusion into my hip and arm. My hip is still sadly sore. I haven’t been able to rest it a lot in the sense of not moving around a lot since I do teach dance at school, but I have been mindful of not doing… Continue reading Week 2 Update (Stem cells)
It has been officially one week since my stem cell infusions. I had one into my hip, and one into my arm. My hip is still a bit sore. I wasn’t anticipating this, but I am a dance teacher and do have to move around a lot. I am trying my best to not jump… Continue reading Week 1 Update (Stem Cells)
4 years. 209 weeks. 1,462 days. of loss. of confusion. of fear. of battle scars. of thunderous, terrifying purpose. Looking back to Day 1, when hopes were high and knowledge was scarce, it is miraculous to see how far this journey has taken me. I am not the same person. Sometimes that makes me sad… Continue reading 4 Years
It’s almost compulsory for a writer to reflect on their past and contemplate who they are, how they’ve grown, and what they predict for the future/what troubles they can exonerate from entering the new year. We look to a non-existent compass because no one has all the answers. Life is not a straightforward path, nor… Continue reading Only in Tennis
“Miss, are you you sick?” “Yes, I am.” “I can tell because your neck is red.” I didn’t have the energy or, quite frankly, composure to tell an 11-year-old student that my obnoxious cold has nothing to do with why I’m a red, blotchy disaster. At 44 months T.S.W. and succumbing to the plague that… Continue reading The Threadless Labyrinth
I’ve had cabin fever for months now. Every so often, I get to venture out, but for the most part, I was secluded in my home working on the documentary (I’ll make an update video soon). I was looking forward to getting back into my old job of subbing — not because it’s my passion,… Continue reading Use Warm Water
Just writing this blog is such irony. The only reason I am getting to do this is because my editing software for the documentary has decided to rainbow wheel me to death, a shared death. I’ve been reassured by a few Apple geniuses that someone this coming week will be able to fix this issue.… Continue reading A Deafening Silence
I am a little late, but for good reason. I have been working very hard on the documentary and have found little time for other things. I did however get to take one full day off this Sunday (after working 1.5 weeks STRAIGHT, no weekend for me) and I went to Disney World!! It was… Continue reading Month 41 TSW
IID Conference, Part 1 IID Conference ,Part 2 Hello, lovelies. I am a few days late for my 40th month of TSW. I can’t believe I’m writing that number. I remember thinking about when I thought 1 year would have been long enough. Now I am close to 3.5 years. I still get that question… Continue reading 40 Months TSW
Amidst editing and trudging through all the hurdles with the documentary, I have been thinking about analogies concerning Topical Steroid Withdrawal. We are always having to try and explain, or make known, or express how frustrating this condition is in our lives. Especially with doctors, it never seems to gain stride as to how UNBEARABLE… Continue reading Willy Wonka
Hey loves, What a month it has been. Whenever I take a dive with my skin, it also effects my emotions. Once I had gotten back from the cruise ship, I got hit with a few scenarios and situations that gave me a load of anxiety (I am still trying to shake it). One major… Continue reading 39 Months TSW
Hello loves, So sorry this is a week late. I was on a cruise ship working and didn’t have time to update. Not much has changed, unfortunately since last month. My worst spots are my arms, neck, and spots on my face. Redness and dryness are my biggest issues. I should be thankful it’s not… Continue reading 38 Months TSW
What is a Jellicle cat? Within these past two weeks, I’ve once again been nourished by talent, charisma, and feline poise. It’s no mystery how much I miss the stage. But when I’m engaged with such incredibly talented humans and then thrust back into my immediate reality, it reminds me how important it is to… Continue reading Where the Water Flows
Sorry for the late post. Been super busy with life! A little too busy sometimes, but trying to be semi normal with a hint of madness — particularly with the documentary. There is lots to get done, but I think I can finish it by my estimated time frame — mid June! As for my… Continue reading TSW 37 Months
3 Years TSW. 36 Months TSW. 1095 days TSW. January 25th 2015-2018. Incredible isn’t it? To have journeyed this long through such a katabasis. The reflection on the loss and gains, ups and downs, triumphs and devastations… it’s like a completely different life. I’m not healed, sadly. But I’ve been coming to terms with that.… Continue reading 3 Years TSW (Topical Steroid Withdrawal)
As we enter into a new year, many of us try and figure out what our next 365 days will hold, or at least what we can control. Some make goals; some make resolutions. Others don’t wish to put that much pressure on themselves and just allow January 1st to be another day. Ever since… Continue reading 2018 Resolution
Tomorrow is Christmas, so I wanted to be a day early. It will be a packed celebratory time with family and friends tomorrow (which I hope I make it through!). Lots of driving, gifts, and hugs to be had. My energy, especially since beginning a work out regimen at the beginning of December, has actually… Continue reading 35 Months TSW
I didn’t exactly start off on the right foot this TSW month. Well, not totally true. I had my birthday, which was lovingly spent with family and my Royal comrades. I enjoyed a Halloween party as well, which was nice since I spent time and energy on my costume. I always wanted to be LeeLoo… Continue reading 34 Months TSW
Usually around Thanksgiving we reflect on our surroundings, our decisions, and what we have taken for granted in our lives that deserve recognition. Or is that just me??… And I usually shine a light on my phenomenal inner circle of friends and on my family who has gone above and beyond these past few years.… Continue reading THANKFUL TO ITSAN
I celebrated my birthday today. It’s usually a time of reflection, of celebration of self, or an acute realization of our mortality that has unfortunately progressed. But I didn’t find myself either relishing or despising this trip around the sun. What I did feel though — despondence. Not the greatest feeling on your big day.… Continue reading Love, Inferno
Found in Reverie 